In this episode of "The Postpartum Standard", Toni Toomey is joined by Vogue fashion journalist Annabelle Azade for an honest, unfiltered conversation about postpartum life, identity, and what it means to return to a visual, high-pressure industry after becoming a mother.
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Toni Toomey (00:15) Today I'm joined by Vogue fashion journalist Annabelle Azadé to talk about postpartum identity, body image, and returning to yourself after motherhood. This episode is brought to you by Hone, a postpartum apparel brand creating hormone-safe, thoughtfully designed clothing for nursing mothers.
Toni Toomey (00:32) Welcome back to the Postpartum Standard. I'm joined here today by Annabelle. Thank you so much for joining me, Annabelle.
Annabelle KAJBAF (00:39) Hi, Toni. Thank you so much for having me as well. Such a great time to have you and just so happy to talk about postpartum and motherhood with you today.
Toni Toomey (00:50) Yeah, so let's dive in and tell us a little bit about you and your motherhood and postpartum journey.
Annabelle KAJBAF (00:56) Absolutely. So I started being a mom last year. I think the first thing I want to say is that the biggest scam of all is you think you're pregnant for nine, but you're actually pregnant for 10 months. They tell you 40 weeks, but 40 weeks is 10 months. It's much longer than you think it is. My pregnancy was pretty hard because I had a lot of hormonal issues. I will say that from my postpartum, I really had a big depression because people don't really tell you in society that you're gonna lose your hormones. All the hormones that made you glow, that made your hair so nice—that's gonna abruptly stop.
Annabelle KAJBAF (01:26) To me, it was really hard too because I work in fashion. A lot of people do not have children or they have children later in life. So I'm definitely kind of a UFO in the field that I work in. It was hard because there's not very much of a community, especially in a big city as Los Angeles. I had a big feeling of guilt because my baby wasn't latching. Turns out he was in NICU for a week, so he started being on the bottle, but there's some kind of guilt that I had that was really terrible. I definitely had very dark thoughts. But I do have a wonderful support system—my husband, my husband's mother, and personal friends. That really helped me overcome all these feelings.
Toni Toomey (04:01) Thank you so much for sharing that. And I'm sorry that it was so hard. Nobody prepares you.
Annabelle KAJBAF (04:08) Yes, and also in France, where I'm from, people don't really push you to breastfeed. They push you to have the bottle, and here people push you to breastfeed. There was this nurse paid by the hospital to come to our house which felt very invasive. She was making me feel like I was very inadequate. I went back to work after 10 days, so it was just not a good fit. Get a good lactation consultant—that's so important.
Toni Toomey (04:55) Totally agree with you on the lactation consultant. I had a very similar experience in the hospital with a nurse who just grabbed my boob and shoved it in my baby's mouth without permission.
Annabelle KAJBAF (05:20) It's still body violation of the woman in some ways. My husband was really embarrassed and eventually, I asked her not to come back. My son is a bottle-fed baby and he's very strong. It doesn't mean anything.
Toni Toomey (06:09) Exactly. Fed is best. However they get fed is the way that works. Of course, you mentioned a little bit about working in fashion. What is that like coming back as a postpartum woman into high fashion? That had to be a huge jolt.
Annabelle KAJBAF (06:14) It was definitely interesting. I gained 90 pounds due to a hormonal imbalance during my pregnancy. I went from a size two to a size 12. That was a shock. There were lots of judgments, but my gay friends were really nice and encouraging. I think in LA there are a lot of women who don't want children, so there was some lack of empathy. I've never lost so many friends than this year. Fashion is not a field where people have children; they travel all around the world for shows. There's definitely some friction with people who don't understand your new priorities.
Toni Toomey (08:40) Absolutely. That's the whole "rebirth" I think moms are least prepared for. You don't realize you're going to become this whole new person that may or may not vibe with the life you had before.
Annabelle KAJBAF (08:52) Exactly. My son is one year and one month, and I'm only just starting to go to the gym now like I used to. It took a year because even if I had time, I was so tired. The only thing I wanted to do was just sleep.
Toni Toomey (09:06) The first year was just survival mode. Quick question for a mom struggling with body image: what is one mindset shift or wardrobe strategy you implemented that helped you feel empowered?
Annabelle KAJBAF (09:42) I basically ended up having three wardrobes: pregnancy clothes, postpartum clothes, and only now a capsule collection for my new size. My strategy was "before, during, and after." Nothing is more demoralizing than trying to force yourself into clothes that don't fit. My hips got wider—the bone itself—and I don't think those are going to shrink back.
Toni Toomey (11:14) Same here. It's wild the things that happen. I had almost no boobs before and now two years later they are still here.
Toni Toomey (12:02) On a hard postpartum day, what is one simple thing you implemented that helped you get through the dark times?
Annabelle KAJBAF (12:16) My friends. We live in a gated community and walking around with the stroller, my dog, grabbing a coffee, and seeing nature was really important. Seeing my friends and talking about things other than babies helped, because I'm not really "that kind of girl." Having a semblance of regular life is 100% helpful.
Toni Toomey (13:23) Well, before we wrap, I like to end with quick rapid-fire questions. What is one fashion rule that you think moms should totally ignore?
Annabelle KAJBAF (13:23) Ignore the rule of hiding yourself. You should love your body no matter what.
Toni Toomey (13:57) Absolutely. What is a postpartum style trend you would love to see disappear?
Annabelle KAJBAF (14:17) I hate the maxi long dresses with a wrapped knot above the belly and short sleeves. It’s awful because hormones can make your arms bigger and the knot on the belly makes you look bigger too. It's a very common style and I hate it.
Toni Toomey (14:55) You're so right. Well, thank you so much for joining today. This has been wonderful and your little one has been a pro at podcasts already.
Annabelle KAJBAF (15:06) Thank you so much, Toni, for having me. I hope it helps the audience or at least makes them feel nice.
Toni Toomey (15:22) Thank you, Annabelle. I hope you have a great rest of your day. Cheers.