What happens when preparation, discipline, and “doing everything right” still aren’t enough in postpartum? In this episode of The Postpartum Standard, Toni Toomey is joined by Priya Rednam Waldo, licensed perinatal therapist, keynote speaker, and coach to high-achieving women navigating motherhood from pregnancy through postpartum and beyond. A former U.S. Army Captain and West Point honors graduate with credentials from Johns Hopkins University, Priya brings decades of leadership experience into her work supporting career-driven mothers. She is the founder and CEO of Healing Home Counseling Group, an innovative perinatal and youth mental health practice, and now serves as a holistic strategist for women balancing ambition, identity, and motherhood. Drawing from her own lived experience as the daughter of Indian immigrants, the wife of an Irish man, and a mother of four children welcomed through birth and adoption, Priya offers a deeply nuanced understanding of complex family systems and elite professional environments. Her clients include C-suite executives and leaders across tech, law, medicine, and entrepreneurship. Together, Toni and Priya explore why postpartum humbles even the most prepared women, why white knuckling motherhood is so common among high achievers, and how to build a postpartum support system that actually works. They discuss traumatic birth, mental load, returning to work without shame, and how to know whether therapy or coaching is the right support at different stages. This conversation covers:
- Why postpartum is real recovery, not something to power through
- How high-achieving women get stuck white knuckling motherhood
- What a functional postpartum village actually looks like
- Mental load, partnership, and returning to work with confidence
- Therapy vs coaching, and how to know what you need
- Letting go of control without losing yourself
Priya holds advanced certifications including MPH, LMSW, PMH-C, and EMDR for birth and BIPOC-related trauma. As a passionate advocate, she empowers mothers through global education, speaking, and values-aligned partnerships, all rooted in the belief that mothers deserve support, dignity, and care. If you are a driven woman navigating pregnancy, postpartum, or the return to work, this episode will help you feel seen, supported, and less alone.
READ EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
Toni Toomey (00:00) Welcome back to the Postpartum Standard. I’m joined today by Priya Rednam Waldo. Priya, thank you so much for joining.
Priya Rednam Waldo (00:07) Thank you for having me, Toni. I’m looking forward to our conversation.
Toni Toomey (00:11) Awesome. Well, let’s dive in. Tell us a little bit about you and your journey in motherhood and what you’re doing to serve mothers now.
Priya Rednam Waldo (00:19) Absolutely. So I am a licensed perinatal therapist and I speak on the topic of perinatal mental health. It is my singular passion professionally. I came to it in a more circumvent way. I didn’t—if my 20-year-old self would not have imagined that this would be my life's work—but I love what I do. I both coach women throughout the world really, and also support through running my perinatal mental health practice here in Metro Detroit.
I’m singularly focused on supporting high-achieving women who are very career-driven, who are navigating the unmatched journey from pregnancy through postpartum and beyond. My journey, like I said, is unique in that I actually began my career as a US Army officer after graduating from West Point. I was very much thinking I would become an astronaut someday, if you can believe it. life has brought me to this place, and more than anything, my own motherhood journey brought me here. I am the very proud mom to four beautiful children, three who I welcome through birth, one through adoption. My own struggles led me to wanting other mothers to have the support that I really felt like I was lacking so that I could make meaning of my experience.
Toni Toomey (02:25) That’s so beautiful. And that had to be such a hard transition from the structure of the army—you're just so used to everything going as you prepare—and children are like... preparation? What is that?
Priya Rednam Waldo (02:41) They couldn’t care less about our plans. It was very humbling, to say the least. What I realized, working with hundreds of women similar to me who are more type A, much more used to structure, used to being able to plan through everything—we all have that unique vulnerability. We think that if I have the spreadsheet, if I’ve read every baby book, if I’ve done all of the things to problem solve, well then it’ll be smooth sailing. I literally, even as a mental health professional aware of postpartum anxieties and depression, even for me, I went into Jack's birth thinking, "Gosh, I’ve got this down pat." And my baby could not care less. It was really hard. I had a traumatic birth experience. We can prepare for a lot of things in birth; we can’t always prepare for the unexpected.
Toni Toomey (04:26) Yeah, it’s so wild how many women I talk to who say they had a traumatic birth experience and it really strikes me: what can we do for the next generation so that fewer women have that story?
Priya Rednam Waldo (04:49) What a beautiful question. So much of the focus, whether it’s the traditional medical system or the cultural piece, is on baby. We need to get baby out safely. A baby shower is all about gifts for baby. I really think our generation is at an inflection point where we can decide how do we want things to be different. We really need to reorient to: how do we support mom?
What does mom need from pregnancy? In my own experience, I had horrible hyperemesis. I really believed I was supposed to just carry on. I hope my daughter—well, I don't just hope, I talk to her about it—understands that when you’re ill, you’re supposed to take care of yourself. How do we in postpartum make sure that we're creating space for joy, fulfillment, and of course for our own wellness?
Toni Toomey (06:41) Yeah. I feel that so deeply. I’m two years postpartum and I feel like I’m just now starting to like make space for me. It was the most humbling experience for me because all of a sudden I couldn’t be entirely self-sufficient. I was used to being that independent, like I can get this done no matter what. And now all of a sudden, like you can’t just white-knuckle through motherhood.
Priya Rednam Waldo (07:33) Absolutely. You can try, but there’s a cost. You worked really hard to bring a baby into this world; you deserve to enjoy that experience while you’re also healing and resting. It is really a metamorphosis. When you're white-knuckling things in a survival mode, your brain is not meant to remember all of those memories. We push moms to be present a lot, but we don’t give them all of the supports to actually be present.
Toni Toomey (09:38) What do you think are the proactive conversations a mom can have? I feel like a lot of times my mother-in-law comes over and all she wants to do is hold the baby, but I just want her to do my dishes. How do you recommend people start those conversations while they're still pregnant?
Priya Rednam Waldo (10:08) The ideal time is that third trimester, in that nesting period. Nesting isn’t just making a beautiful nursery; it’s asking, "How do I create a meaningful village of support?" I love giving my clients scripts so they don't have to create the language themselves. It is about communicating values. "I know you want to support me, mom. The most meaningful thing for those early days would be: can you take care of the laundry? Can you take care of making sure meals are prepped? I want to make sure you have time to bond with baby, but that would be so helpful for our whole family."
Toni Toomey (12:35) I love that so much, especially the regular check-ins. My husband and I did that really often in those early days. "How are you feeling? How can I support you?"
Priya Rednam Waldo (13:15) A lot of our stress or anxiety is, "I heard our relationships change," or "I heard our village might not be supporting us." If you take actionable steps, like a five-minute check-in over coffee with a spouse, it can make a huge difference. Spouses often don't know what to ask. If they can say, "How is nursing going for you? Are there things that could be easier?" it changes everything.
Toni Toomey (14:24) Are there resources or books that you recommend for moms and spouses?
Priya Rednam Waldo (14:34) I love Emily Oster’s books (Cribsheet, Expecting Better). She’s very research-based. I also love The Art of Letting Go. In motherhood, we really have to harness the power of letting go. We can’t control when the baby goes down for a nap. How do I let go of this hardline expectation and instead say, "Okay, baby’s going to sleep as long as baby needs. What do I need in those moments to make sure I don’t feel overwhelming frustration?"
Toni Toomey (17:03) Are there little actions you recommend to help practice "letting go" while still pregnant?
Priya Rednam Waldo (17:03) That third trimester is a beautiful opportunity. You can’t control getting up three times to use the restroom. Instead, you plan for your day to have space for rest. If you’re only able to eat small portions because baby’s taking up space, you make sure you have opportunities to regularly eat. You backfill the expectation with support.
Toni Toomey (18:30) I always joked that the third trimester was training for not getting any sleep!
Priya Rednam Waldo (18:30) Absolutely. Postpartum, we are meant to be hyper-vigilant to babies' needs, but if you haven’t set the stage for people to pour into you, you end up depleted. Then, when we have professional ambitions, we might "turn the volume down" on them as a way to survive. I love working with coaching clients because I get to say: "No, you don’t have to turn down the volume. You can even turn the volume up." I also recommend Fair Play by Eve Rodsky. It’s an awesome tool to recognize the mental load.
Toni Toomey (21:22) I slipped into carrying the load for everything, and it's funny because at work I lead teams and delegate naturally, but in my personal life, I was holding onto control of everything.
Priya Rednam Waldo (21:59) We step on our own feet a lot. Motherhood isn't just going to cross our fingers and fall into place; we get to proactively work on it.
Toni Toomey (23:58) I saw a post saying if you and your husband were on a car trip trading off driving, you’d have to agree on the destination first. Otherwise, you’d wake up and be in the opposite direction.
Priya Rednam Waldo (24:34) It’s not about just working hard. Working hard is a high-achiever comfort zone. We have to have a clear vision. What would life look like if it was exactly how you wanted it to be, not what society tells you it has to be? I’m the daughter of Indian immigrants; it’s very natural for us to have support come around us. But how do you pull resources together if you live away from family? Guided outsourcing is a joy to watch.
Toni Toomey (26:47) Social media makes us see only the highlight reel. We see the house is clean and they’re cooking, but you don’t know what their village looks like or what the rest of the house looks like.
Priya Rednam Waldo (27:32) It’s a very curated version. While it’s helpful to know we’re not alone, you’re absolutely allowed to have a shower every day. Our babies need unconditional love and basic needs met—that’s it. You need to focus on making sure your needs are met too.
Toni Toomey (29:26) "You can’t pour from an empty cup."
Priya Rednam Waldo (30:03) From a health standpoint, we need five hours of continuous sleep to function and heal. When we pour into ourselves, our kids see that caring for yourself is a virtue, not something to feel guilty about.
Toni Toomey (31:33) I’m in that transition now. I decided to compete in a pageant after 20 years. I felt guilty at the start, but it's been cool involving my daughter. She sits on the sink while I do makeup and practices walking with me. She gets to see that it’s okay to prioritize yourself.
Priya Rednam Waldo (32:47) That’s beautiful. I believe our children’s dreams are born out of us pursuing our own. We have such a beautiful opportunity to show them: you don’t have to ascribe to the "doing it all" mentality.
Toni Toomey (35:40) Let’s end with a rapid-fire round. What is one habit from your military days that helps you as a mother?
Priya Rednam Waldo (35:58) Discipline. I get up at six, have my coffee, and then I’m able to wake the kids up. I’m always better for it.
Toni Toomey (36:33) What is the most common lie high-achieving women tell themselves about returning to work?
Priya Rednam Waldo (36:47) That they have a deficit to make up for. In reality, you show up enhanced. You aren't showing up less-than; you're showing up with new skills.
Toni Toomey (37:38) Mom brain is actually expanded capacity! Perceptively, you’re so much more aware.
Priya Rednam Waldo (38:23) It’s not a deficit, it’s different. Male colleagues of a previous generation often had wives doing a lot of unpaid labor at home. Women going back to work today are trying to be hands-on parents while being essential at work.
Toni Toomey (40:58) Last question: Therapy versus Coaching. How does a mom know which one she needs?
Priya Rednam Waldo (41:09) Therapy is necessary when we feel at the bottom of a hole and need to get back to baseline ground. Coaching is right when we’re looking down at the hole and want to build a mountain for ourselves instead. I always do a discovery call to make sure each mom is on the right path.
Toni Toomey (43:04) Where can people find you?
Priya Rednam Waldo (44:14) Instagram or LinkedIn under my name, Priya Rednam Waldo, or my website.
Toni Toomey (45:13) Thank you so much for coming on, Priya.
Priya Rednam Waldo (45:29) Thank you, Toni. Lovely for me as well.